THOUGHTS ON CELIBACY

Celibacy is a lot to process especially for a creative person. There are ramifications and you will suffer when you abstain from sex.

For a person of faith, celibacy is a subject you must address definitively at some point, otherwise the moral conflicts will cause harm.

Celibacy has consequences. It is not rosy, pretty, easy or triumphant as some try to paint it. It just is.

I’m unsure many people critically interrogate why they’re celibate. There are too many conflicts – celibate in their pants but randy in their thoughts. What’s the use of being celibate but you’re addicted to porn and masturbation? Kinda defeats the whole purpose and it’s incredibly stressful.

There are too many souls dealing with internal & mental sexual dislocations yet who are “technically” celibate. But the pressure is escaping somewhere.

There must be a middle lane – where you’re celibate, not addicted to porn or masturbation and not highly strung or prematurely grey.

I ask young people who are celibate how they cope with the pressure. The answer is typically masturbation. I’m like, “What the…?”

Apostle Paul advised singles to marry lest they burn. In those days girls married at 16, as virgins. Ain’t nobody marrying that young no more. In Paul’s day, readily accessible and variegated internet porn didn’t exist so part 2 of Paul’s message needs to be written for today’s demographic context.

I’m sure there’s grace to be celibate. But last time I checked, grace doesn’t stop you from ovulating every month. So the struggle is real.

The strange thing is, marriage doesn’t cure sexual dislocations like addiction to porn/masturbation. You still have to go through recovery.

Single people of faith need to talk about sex and stop sweeping ish under the carpet hoping for the day marriage will solve them.

As a creative celibate person, a daily issue is where to put all the energy released by creating & achieving. You become a workaholic as you keep recycling the energy back to work, non-profit causes, passions and more work. You dare not be idle because your mind is a perpetual creative laboratory of thoughts, images and fantasies. Not every creative has learnt to discipline their thoughts or regulate their energies, hence the dependence on masturbation or alcohol to settle down.

Celibacy comes at a cost. So when someone carelessly suggests you should just go and exercise, it’s okay to give them the evil eye.

Many times creatives are just mentally lonely. There are many people around them but few in their heads who truly connect with and get them. That’s when they begin to scroll through their phone looking for a distraction or someone to call a.k.a friend with benefits. They inadvertently use these people. They needed someone to hold to ease the loneliness, not a relationship. They know it’s wrong. Some even get locked into relationships they should never have started in the first place because they just kept sleeping with the person. Now the friend with benefit doesn’t understand why the creative is irritated all the time and despises them.

We spend a lot of time teaching single people of faith how to avoid pre-marital sex but rarely address the practical challenges of celibacy.

In advising people to marry, consider those who wish to but haven’t found the ones to marry. It’s a real thing. It’s not a choosy thing.

In advising people to marry, spare a thought for those who took your advice and wished they had waited and not married the wrong people.

In advising people to marry, spare a thought for those different from you, who don’t like what you like and can’t live with what you live with.

In advising people to marry, spare a thought for those who don’t subscribe to your cultural sensibilities, ideologies and beliefs.

In advising people to marry, be humble and grateful for the grace of God upon your life. There are many better than you who didn’t make it.

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