SEX STARTS FROM THE MIND

Tochi met Matthew in a WhatsApp group. Tochi whose wedding was just 6 months away, lived in Lagos while Matthew lived in Abuja. However, their friendship gained strength in such a short while that you would think they had met or known each other all their lives.

The manner in which they expressed their thoughts during discussions in the group made the other members refer to them as ‘boo’ and ‘bae’, albeit jokingly. Not long after, they adopted the nomenclature and addressed each other with them happily.

Their friendship grew beyond the group and they began to have private conversations. Though Tochi had introduced Matthew to her fiancé virtually, the connection between these imaginary lovebirds was clear as tears even to new entrants into the group.

One day, there was a sexual conversation in the group – a no-holds-barred one. During the discussion, Matthew kept mentioning Tochi and was painting the picture of what their sex experience was going to be when he officially marries her and Tochi was responding in the affirmative that she couldn’t wait to start “shagging” Matthew. Everyone in the group counted this as one of the many jokes they came up with whenever the issue of ‘boo’ and ‘bae’ was discussed. Unknown to other members of the group, Tochi and Matthew had taken the discussion behind.

One Friday at work, Tochi’s boss informed her that she would be travelling to Abuja the next Monday morning for a one week official duty. Wanting to surprise Matthew, she didn’t tell him anything until she landed in Abuja.

It was 2:35 p.m when Tochi put a call through to Matthew. “Hello boo,” she said, “your bae is calling you from Protea Hotel, Abuja.”
Matthew didn’t believe until he logged onto Facebook and saw a picture of Tochi at Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport, Abuja. He called her to let her know he would be coming immediately he closed from work.

At 5:33 in the evening, Matthew was already at Protea Hotel and made his way to the room number Tochi had given him. As he entered the room, they exchanged a very long hug and Matthew whispered into her ears, “Is this what a honeymoon looks like?”

There was silence in the room; the connection between them gave off sparks. They couldn’t let each other go and their left hands remained interlocked. Matthew began to rub her back from her waist gradually.

As he was reaching for her bra, Tochi said, “If you want to kiss me so badly, why don’t you just do so now because it is written all over your body that you want it?” They kissed slowly, then profusely with Matthew’s hand still on her bra. He undressed her; she did, too and they had their first sex.

They had sex throughout Tochi’s stay in Abuja though they kept saying, “We shouldn’t be doing this. We are not even in a relationship; we are not even married.” Even Tochi’s concern about her fiancé’s feeling if he heard of it didn’t stop them.

See dear one, sex is not an event. It is a process. Events happen; sex does not just happen unless you are a victim of rape.

In my years of working as a Sex Recovery Therapist and Sexuality Educator, I have discovered something powerful, especially amongst the people I have been privileged to counsel, coach or run recovery therapy on. I discovered a new sex organ. It wasn’t new actually but its discovery made it look new. I discovered that the most expensive underwear in the world is the skull and this skull houses the most potent sexual organ in the universe: the mind.

The most important and greatest sex organ is not found below your waist. Your most important sex organ is your mind. Things happen twice – first mentally and then physically. The real sex happens before the real action. Your mind writes the script and your body acts the scene.

Sex does not start in the bedroom. It starts from the mind and the mind plays it in different forms. It could be through flirting, sexting, chatting, gisting and it could be through the first visit. With this discovery, I know that as long as a person can control his or her mind, he or she can control his or her sexual desires.

With this discovery, helping people break away from any form of addiction comes easy for I know that if I can change their mind, I can as well change their lives.

It is the environment where your mind is locked that determines the space of its operations. I have heard many people say they were tempted probably by the opposite sex or even the devil. See, the dominant content of your mind determines the next temptation of the devil.

You’re the inspiration behind any temptation.

Whatever you crave or desire for so badly determines the direction of your temptation. No one can make you do what you do not want to do – not your boyfriend; not your girlfriend; not the devil; not even God. That is why you have a mind and will and you have to take responsibility for your action and inaction.

Whatever you sow in your mind, you reap in your body.

The sexiest part of your body is not your hip, six packs, boobs, butts or even your genitals. The sexiest part of your body is your mind.

Invest in your mind daily. Renew it daily because everything in life starts from there.

© June, 2016
Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
Lagos, Nigeria

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